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When I talk to people about happiness,one question that frequently arises is, "Certain, happiness has many elements. But if you had to option the nigh important thing, what is the primal to happiness?" Information technology'southward a question that can exist answered in different ways, depending on what framework you use to ponder the issue, but if I had to cull, I call up there are iii keys to happiness.

The offset key? Self-cognition

"Know yourself" is advice that people have been doling out for thousands of years — "Know Thyself" is inscribed on the Temple of Apollo at Delphi, the monument from ancient Greece that withal stands today — and information technology's also ane of the near challenging.

As part of my happiness projection, I identified my 12 Personal Commandments — the 12 principles that I want to guide my actions and thoughts — and the starting time, well-nigh important commandment is, "Be Gretchen."

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Why is it so hard to know ourselves? You'd think that nothing could be simpler or more obvious. Subsequently all, you lot're hanging out with yourself all solar day long. But in fact, it's so piece of cake to be distracted by the way we wish we were, or the style other people expect u.s.a. to exist, that we lose sight of what's true about ourselves.

For instance, I've finally admitted to myself that although I can choose what I practise, I tin can't choose what I similar to do. I wish I had a passion for music, only I just don't. Along the same lines, I've admitted that just because something is fun for other people doesn't mean information technology's fun for me, and vice versa. Rollerblading, drinking wine, shopping, cooking, doing crossword puzzles...so many people find these activities fun, but I don't. Anybody in my family unit lying around reading in their pajamas? Ah, that sounds like fun.

The fact is, we can build a happy life simply on the foundation of our own natures, interests, and values. I've found that the more faithfully I'chiliad able to "be Gretchen" in my daily life, the happier I become.

The 2d key to happiness: anticipation

If the hereafter holds no pleasant hope — well, it's very hard to be happy. Apprehension is the starting time stage, and a critical one, of enjoying a happy consequence. The other three stages are:

Savoring: Enjoying something in the moment (remember to plow off your jail cell telephone!).

Expression: Giving phonation to your pleasure to heighten your experience (recollect of crowds cheering at a baseball game game, for case).

Reflection: Looking dorsum on happy times (for instance, by pulling out the photo album).

No affair what your circumstances, if you take something to look frontward to, you bring happiness into your life well earlier the upshot really takes place; you take hold of more happiness from a happy consequence, considering it makes you happy fifty-fifty earlier you lot feel it. In fact, sometimes the happiness of anticipation is greater than the happiness of the actual feel — that's known every bit "rosy prospection."

Nosotros should all be able to flip through our calendars and see at least a few pleasant things scheduled for future weeks. If your life is a parade of obligations, dreaded tasks, unpleasant encounters, and mandatory appearances, take a minute to figure out something that you lot'd detect fun, and make time for it. Wish yous had time to walk in the park with your canis familiaris? To work on a arts and crafts project? To accept coffee with your sis? Schedule information technology on your agenda like you would a dentist engagement. Fifty-fifty before it happens, you'll go a happiness boost every time you conceptualize it. (Likewise, if you lot put it on your calendar, you'll be far more likely to really do it.)

However, as you're because ways to amplify your sense of happy anticipation, don't forget happiness key number ane. Just because something is fun for other people doesn't mean it's fun for you lot. Exist honest about your likes and dislikes. Don't pretend that you like visiting museums or going on bike rides if you don't. Your fun may not look similar other people's fun. I myself love to help other people clean out their closets. Skiing, no way — but cleaning out a friend's closets? That I anticipate with relish.

Adjacent:

The third answer is ... dearest

No surprise there. Aboriginal philosophers and mod scientists concord: Stiff relationships with other people are critical to a happy life. We need close, long-lasting relationships; nosotros need to vest; we need to requite and receive support — perhaps surprisingly, giving back up is simply as important to happiness every bit getting support. Not only does having strong relationships go far far more probable that you lot'll take joy in life, merely studies show that it as well lengthens life (incredibly, even more than stopping smoking), boosts amnesty, and cuts the risk of low.

For nigh of us, fourth dimension, free energy, and money are in brusk supply, so when we're trying to figure out how to get the biggest happiness blindside for the buck, it'south wise to spend on strengthening bonds with family, friends, and coworkers. Should you splurge on a new pair of boots or on a train ticket to your college reunion? Should you stay domicile watching Tv or make plans to run into a friend? A decision that strengthens your ties to other people is likely to brand you happier.

As I've thought almost ways to strengthen the loving relationships in my life, I've discovered a paradox: To connect more securely with people, I need to build my independent happiness.

This paradox became articulate to me as I reflected on a haunting passage from Bob Dylan's strange, bright memoir, Chronicles: Volume 1. He writes: "I looked at the carte du jour, then I looked at my wife. The one thing about her that I always loved was that she was never one of those people who thinks that someone else is the answer to their happiness. Me or anybody else. She's ever had her own built-in happiness."

That's what I strive for now — to have my ain "built-in happiness." Past existence emotionally cocky-sufficient, I free myself (well, admittedly, merely somewhat) from depending on other people to heave me up or letting them drag me down. When I take my ain born happiness, I don't act like a happiness vampire who sucks happy energy from other people or craves a lifeblood of praise, affirmation, or reassurance to support my happiness.

I've realized, too, that happy people brand other people happy. Because of a powerful psychological phenomenon called emotional contagion, people "infect" each other with their moods, and when I'one thousand happy, I help elevator others up. Also, when I feel happy myself, I take the emotional where-withal to plough outward to recall nigh other people, to take an interest and to try to aid. Unhappy people tend to get isolated, defensive, and preoccupied with their own problems. Therefore, while some people argue that it's selfish to be happy, we should be selfish — if only for selfless reasons.

Looking back at these three keys to happiness, I realize that English essayist Joseph Addison managed to sum it all up in a single judgement: "3 grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to practice, something to love, and something to hope for."

Exercise you hold? What practice you lot think is the fundamental to happiness? Who do you lot know that has congenital-in happiness? E-mail me your ideas at gretchen@goodhousekeeping.com.